She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
