You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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