Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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