dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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