Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
