i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize