sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
