i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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