Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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