im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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