he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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