Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
