Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
