meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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