drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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