i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
