Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he thought i was a dude.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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