But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
