I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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