I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
