In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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