Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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