so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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