Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
