Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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