At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
