if only i could text you this smell
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The air taste purple.
Randomize