i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
