i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dear god my vagina.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
