Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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