guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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