i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize