508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
