just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
operation harelip BJ is a go
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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