I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There's even glitter on my cock...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
