I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
