Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
