So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
