worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
