no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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