is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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