I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
