it wasn't lemon gatorade
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
