We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
