my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Still dying that you shit outside
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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