I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
