Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
