Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
