I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
