What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
