I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
