Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
