I want to make a zoo with you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
