Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
