just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
