How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
They have beer where we have blood.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
