Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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