She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
