I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
