this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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