Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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