I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
