I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
They should really pass out barf bags in church
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
