just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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