What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize