I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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