dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
