i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize