oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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